It's halfway through January and, as every person living abroad can probably agree with, now is when the seasonal sadness really sinks in (even though it's still upwards of 50 degrees outside). As someone with an iron wall up and even more so when adapting to abroad which requires grit, I really thought my small bouts of homesickness had passed and I was finally over it. However, it finally hit me. It's a tricky word to explain because it isn't at all what I thought it would be.
This type of homesickness is not a mere missing home, it's a missing of familiarity and comfort that has really hit me. It's strange to look up at the sunlight and see the trees move as they would at home, but instead have none of the same familiar things around me. It makes it difficult sometimes to enjoy the moments without stress over something else.
So, I usually peruse through my camera roll when I'm feeling down (or try to FaceTime when time zones permit) because I miss my people-especially this fam visiting me in April (I can make it till then!!!!).
Now, this is NOT to say I am super stressed-my job is quite easy and I work 12 hours a week plus a commute so I am not, by any means, overworked. In fact, my job is one of my favorite parts of the week and the students are fun. What remains for the day is usually a whole lot of free time, which can be hard anyways but especially with limited friends and not a whole lot to do in Jerez beyond going out.
As the homesickness and overwhelming feeling of being abroad comes, I have found the true introvert hiding within me--the part that wants to have alone time and the part that is too overcome with the adapting and discomfort of a new country to truly want to do anything else.
I',m sure this is reading as some sort of HBO series script and maybe that's for a reason--I have been watching a LOT of TV and movies in my free time, which help to make me feel more at home. But in reality, it feels like things like that are really mere distractions to take my mind off the task of being truly isolated in a foreign country whilst watching all my friends at home be together.
It's not a fear of losing friends or a lack of contact-- my friends are great. But I needed some medium to express my feelings otherwise I would have bottled them up. Living abroad can be really hard and sometimes, I feel as if I don't have an excuse and that I'm wasting my time I should be spending soaking up every moment. And I really am trying and have so much to be thankful for/look forward to. But above all, I miss my people.
To everyone that asks how everything is going, I always reply how amazing the experience is. And while that's no lie, social media is one thing and many of the hard experiences aren't posted for everyone to see--well, until now. If anyone asks me if hey should study abroad or live abroad, I will always unequivocally say YES. But as someone who had much self-proclaimed independence, there will be bumps in the road that makes you appreciate your life at home that much more.
Until the next blog, I miss you and can't wait to see you without wishing my time away--for now, here's some of my friends that have made my life here a bit easier and more fun.
On the left are some of my friends and I celebrating Shane's birthday. (Sean, Maria, Sonia, Sabrine and Shane)
In the middle is our weekly (most of the time) game night featuring our favorite--Rummi--and the best competitors I've met, from everywhere from India to Spain to Italy to the good ole' U.S.A. (Harshita, Sammi, Maria, Alicia, Aina, Brianna, Himani and Carmen)
Lastly, a picture from our Friendsgiving, which I appropriately named Frieñdsgiving--I even made stuffing! (Shane, Sean, Maria, Domingo and Sammi)
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